When Fear of Fear Holds You Back

“It’s not just fear itself. It’s actually the fear of fear.”

That second layer is the one that keeps so many of us stuck. It’s not the dials or the studio lights or the pose or the price increase that’s really scary. It’s the anticipation of feeling incompetent, embarrassed, or out of control that has us avoiding, procrastinating, and telling ourselves we’ll try it later.

In this episode, I’m getting honest about all the ways fear of fear shows up in photography: from leaving studio lights in the corner to holding back from raising your prices to never hitting record on a video. I’m even sharing my ongoing standoff with a Wacom pen I’ve bought three times and still haven’t fully committed to. And I’m walking you through three simple steps to start moving through it instead of around it.

What’s in this episode:

[00:00:30] What fear of fear actually is
[00:01:00] How it shows up with learning manual mode
[00:01:30] Studio lights sitting in the corner collecting dust
[00:02:30] My Wacom pen confession (yes, I’ve bought three)
[00:03:30] How fear of fear sneaks into your sessions
[00:04:30] Business decisions frozen by fear of one awkward moment
[00:05:30] Visibility, critique, and why we don’t hit record
[00:06:30] Why failing is part of mastery
[00:07:30] Three ways to start moving through it

If you’ve been sitting on an idea, a skill, or a business decision because something about it just feels too risky, this episode is your nudge.

Did you enjoy this episode? Check out this past solo episode Stop Putting Your Creativity on a Pedestal

Transcript

[00:00:00] Hey friend, welcome back for another pep talk. [00:00:30] Today we’re talking about fear. When fear of fear holds you back. So today I wanna talk about something that really doesn’t always get named, but we all feel it. It’s not just fear itself, it’s actually the fear of fear. The second layer where it’s not even the thing we’re scared of.

It’s the anticipation of being afraid that keeps us stuck. The dread, the what ifs, the spiral of, I’ll probably mess it up. I’ll look stupid, I will feel embarrassed [00:01:00] and so on. So instead of moving forward, we avoid, and the funny thing is, in photography, this shows up everywhere, not just when we’re starting out, but even in years into our careers.

Think about learning manual mode. It’s not the dials or the numbers that are scary. What’s really scary is the moment you’re in front of a client or even a friend and you fumble, the fear isn’t the setting itself. It’s a possibility of feeling incompetent. So instead of pushing through [00:01:30] that awkward stage of practicing, we stay in auto and we tell ourself it’s good enough, or clients won’t notice.

But deep down, we know we’re avoiding the fear of looking silly. Or maybe it’s sliding. You buy a beautiful set of studio lights, you’re excited. You know the level up your work, but they sit in the corner for months. Every time you glance them, you think one day. But if you’re really honest, the reason you haven’t set them up is just because of that fear of fear.

What if [00:02:00] I don’t understand how to use them? What if the photos turn out terrible? What if my client is watching while I’m fiddling with the cords and the buttons or the light won’t turn on? The lights themselves aren’t scary. It’s the possibility of feeling unprepared, exposed, or out of control that’s really stopping you.

And for me, one of my big ones has been learning to use a Wacom pen, and I bought it because I knew it would make [00:02:30] editing smoother and more precise. And honestly, every photographer I admire swears by theirs, but instead of plugging it in and practicing it is sat there on my desk. And honestly, I’ve bought three of them for all my different computers.

Why? Because I’m afraid of that awkward stage. I am so impatient. I’m afraid of feeling clumsy with it, of my hands, just being slow and not matching what my brain is doing. And I don’t want editing taking me twice as long instead of half the time. So I keep [00:03:00] going back to my mouse and every time I do it feels like I’m editing with a giant big toe.

And I know the Wacom will make my life easier once I push through it and push through the learning curve, but that fear of fear keeps me reaching for the familiar, even when the familiar is harder. This shows up in sessions two. So with newborns, maybe you’ve been avoiding trying a pose that you know is safe, but it’s new to you.

Not because the pose itself is scary, but because you’re maybe afraid the baby won’t [00:03:30] settle and the parents will think you don’t know what you’re doing with families. Maybe it’s trying something different or trying a silly game, or a playful prompt or a playful game, because what if it flops? What if Kids just stare at you blankly. What if the parent thinks this is weird? You’re not afraid of the games itself. You’re afraid of the few seconds of discomfort if it doesn’t work. And here’s the reality. Clients don’t see failure the way you do most of the [00:04:00] time. They don’t even notice when something doesn’t go to plan.

They don’t know you had three other poses in your head. They don’t know the baby didn’t go into the pose you wanted. They don’t know. The silly prompt didn’t land. They just see connection and fun, and affection and love. We’re the ones that are spinning out in the fear of fear. They’re usually just happy to be there.

So fear of fear. Just love is to sneak in when we’re on the edge of trying something new as well. Maybe you have been thinking about [00:04:30] offering artwork, sales. You’d love to see your images hanging, like canvases in people’s homes. But you stop yourself because you’re afraid of feeling salesy. It’s not the actual conversation with clients. That’s scary. It’s the thought of possibly feeling awkward or maybe you want to launch a new package or raise your prices. Your work is worth it. And you know it is. But the anticipation of hearing no. The thought of rejection makes you freeze.

You [00:05:00] don’t even give people the chance to say yes because you’re avoiding that moment of fear. Or maybe it’s a creative experiment you’ve always wanted to try. Maybe a double exposure or maybe a finer composite or a storytelling session or self-portraits that push you out of your norm, but you don’t.

Because what if it doesn’t turn out? What if it’s embarrassing? What if people don’t get it? the experiment itself isn’t scary. It’s the possibility of fear that keeps you stuck. Fear of fear [00:05:30] even shows up when it comes to being visible. Maybe you’ve thought about entering a print competition or applying for a mentorship or submitting your work for publication, or applying to teach with the Milky Way, but you don’t because you’re afraid of critique.

Not the critique itself, but the feeling of being critique. That hot cheek discomfort, that little voice that says, see, I knew I wasn’t good enough. maybe it’s social media, you hold back from sharing behind the [00:06:00] scenes or talking on camera. Because what if people judge you? What if my voice shakes? What if I say, um, too much?

What if I’m too much? It’s not the act of posting or showing up. That’s scary. It’s the fear of feeling embarrassed that even keeps you from hitting record. and let’s talk about failing.

Fear of fear keeps us from experimenting and experimentation is where the magic happens. Maybe you’ve [00:06:30] avoided a new editing style because you’re worried it won’t look perfect right away. maybe you’ve avoided giving a new lens a try, because what if the photos aren’t what you envisioned?

Here’s the truth. Failing is part of mastery. Nobody skips it. Every photographer you admire has a folder full of bad photos that they’ll never show, but. They wouldn’t be where they are if they hadn’t been willing to walk through the fear. I’ve sat on ideas. I have [00:07:00] so many. I’ve put off projects. I get scared to show up on camera.

I’ve even turned down opportunities, all because my fear of fear. And you know what? You know what I’ve learned once you’re in it, the fear almost never feels as bad as you imagine. Once you’re in the session or actually start playing with that light, once you try that pose, the anticipation is always worse than the reality.

So how do we deal with it? [00:07:30] The first step really is to name it. Notice when you’re avoiding something and ask yourself, am I really afraid of this, or am I just afraid of the feeling of fear? Just calling it out takes away some of its power. So second, lean into it in small doses. Try one new lighting setup with a model friend before using it on a client.

Raise your prices for one package instead of giving every of everything at once. Give yourself safe experiments where the [00:08:00] stakes will lower. And third, shift from control to curiosity. Instead of thinking, what if I fail? Try, I wonder what I’ll learn. Fear loses its grip when you treat it as information and not as a stop sign.

Here’s what I want you to remember. Fear of fear is sneaky. It doesn’t feel like a big, scary monster. It feels like procrastination or perfectionism or overthinking. It feels like telling yourself [00:08:30] you’ll try later on. But on the other side of fear, that’s where our growth actually lives, and that’s where confidence lives.

That’s where growth lives. That’s where confidence builds. That’s where you realize it’s not nearly as scary as you made out to be. So if you’ve been sitting on an idea or a skill, or a style or a business decision because of fear, of fear, this is your little nudge.

Take the step my friend. Not because you won’t feel fear, because you show yourself that [00:09:00] you can walk through it and once you do, the fear shrinks. Alright my friend, that’s what I’ve got for you today.

I’d love to hear from you. Where has fear of fear been showing up for you lately? Share with me in the comments. Because I promise you are not alone in this. I am sending you so much of my light and love today and every single day, I’ll see you next time.