The Shock Absorber

“We’re the shock absorbers: women and especially mothers. We absorb everything so everyone else can keep going.”

When I heard Michelle Obama say those words, I had to pause and breathe. Because it named something I have been feeling for years: the invisible emotional labor of holding everything together, both at work and at home.

In this heartfelt episode, I’m sharing what it means to be the “shock absorber” in your family and business and how it slowly depletes your energy, creativity, and joy.

I’m also exploring how to step back, set boundaries, and finally give yourself permission to rest.

What’s in this episode:

[00:40] What it means to be the “shock absorber”
[01:20] The invisible weight women carry every day
[02:10] Why overstimulation leads to shutdown
[03:00] The emotional cost of absorbing everyone’s moods
[04:00] Letting go of the need to fix everything
[05:10] You don’t need a breakdown to justify a break
[06:00] How to rest without guilt and reclaim your softness

Being dependable doesn’t mean being depleted. This episode is your reminder that you can be the soft place without being the shock absorber 24/7.

Did this episode give you the encouragement you need to reframe the way you think about being dependable without being depleted? Check out this episode If It’s Not a Hell Yes, It’s a Hell No: Intentional Decision-Making as a Creative & photographer

Transcript

[00:00:00] Hello my friend. Welcome back to the show. So not long ago, I was listening to an interview with a lady who was chatting with Michelle Obama and Michelle said something that really hit me deeply and I actually had to pause the episode just to write it down and breathe. Really? She said, we’re the shock absorbers.

Women, especially mothers, we absorb everything, the moods, the tension, the hard days, just so everyone else can keep going. And I thought, oh my gosh, yes, [00:01:00] that is the invisible weight that I have been trying to name. The reason I feel so tapped out even when I’m not doing that much, because lately I have been tired, but not burnt out from my work, burnt out from my life.

Just from being the shock absorber in every single part of it. It’s like I can hold space for my clients, I can do the photo shoots, I can edit, I can answer the emails, but then I come home and I keep absorbing. My son is a teenager now, and this parenting phase is so different than when he was small.

There’s this shift where you are still their emotional anchor, but it’s quieter. They don’t always ask for it, but you can feel it. And you know when something’s off, you’re still that safe place for them. They’re still that emotional home base, and that in itself is a full-time invisible job.

So add in business, marriage, a house to manage, and [00:02:00] just the general weight of the world. Lately it’s a lot, but what’s been the most surprising is how this season of life shows up in my nervous system. I’ve noticed that I get really overstimulated so easily now, too much noise or too many questions, or just too many tabs open in my brain, and suddenly I need to retreat.

Now my version of hitting the wall isn’t yelling, it’s actually shutting down. I just go into my room, I close the door, and I just need quiet, not forever, just long enough to breathe again. And it’s not because I’m doing too much. On the outside, it’s because I’m carrying too much on the inside, because that’s what shock absorbers do.

We take it in, we soften the blow, we regulate the vibes around the house. We help everyone else keep moving.

But here’s the part that no one tells you. If you’re coasting everything for everyone else, eventually you stop bouncing back [00:03:00] and you start to feel flat. You lose your spark and even your creative spark, you crave space and silence and solitude just to get back to yourself. And then comes the guilt because you think I should be fine.

I’m not even that busy. But the truth is, busyness isn’t the only thing that burns us out, absorbing burns us out too. So I’ve been learning to pay more attention to the way I’m showing up in my life, to the moments where I overextend myself, not because someone has asked me to, but because I’ve trained myself to catch everything before it falls apart.

And I’m asking myself different questions now, like, do I really need to answer that email tonight? Is this feeling actually mine to carry? Can I let someone be uncomfortable for a minute without jumping in to fix it? And also what would happen if I stopped being the shock absorber for a day? What if I let things be a little [00:04:00] bumpier so I could rest?

And the truth is, it’s uncomfortable at first, but it’s also a relief Sometimes that looks like saying, I just need a quiet morning, or I’m not available for the day. Sometimes it’s walking away from the mess instead of cleaning it up. Sometimes it’s letting the dinner plan be whatever instead of. Picture perfect.

Sometimes it’s just choosing yourself, and that doesn’t mean you stop showing up. It just means you stop sacrificing yourself every single time. and if you’ve been in a similar situation, you’re the one that everyone leans on. If you feel that quiet pressure to hold it all together, this is your permission to stop for a second, not to quit, not to disappear, just to exhale.

Because you matter too, and your needs matter even if no one else is naming them. You don’t need a breakdown to justify a break. You don’t need to be drowning to deserve rest. If [00:05:00] your body is tired, your soul is overstimulated, or your spirit feels thin, you can pause. You don’t have to earn it. And I know that is something so many of us are still learning, especially those who run creative businesses.

We love our families deeply, and we take pride in being dependable. But being dependable doesn’t mean being depleted. So if you’ve been absorbing a lot lately, if you’ve been holding it together for everyone around you, if you’ve been wondering why you feel so wiped out, even on your light days, this is me saying, I see you.

You are not crazy. You’re not dramatic. You’re just carrying more than most people can see,

and I hope today you give yourself what you need, whether it’s a nap, a walk, a cry, or a journal session in your comfiest hoodie, whether it’s saying no to something good because you need [00:06:00] space for something better like your own sanity. You’ve got nothing to prove and you don’t have to keep absorbing everything to be worthy of love or rest.

That’s what I’m learning anyways, that maybe I can be present, loving, dependable, and also take care of myself. Maybe I still can be the soft place without being the shock absorber 24 7. Thanks for tuning in today my friend. And thank you again to Michelle Obama for putting words to what so many of us feel.

But never say out loud, we are the shock absorbers, but maybe we don’t always have to be. Until next time, my friend, be gentle with yourself. I’m sending you so much of my light and my love today and every single day. We’ll see you next time.