Is This Mine to Carry?

“We carry so much that was never ours to begin with.”

Photographers are natural caretakers. We carry emotions, expectations, tension, family dynamics, weather, naps, meltdowns, and even outcomes we cannot control. And without realizing it, we start walking around with armfuls of things that were never ours to hold.

In this episode, I share the question that changed everything for me: Is this mine to carry?

You will hear how this simple question can lift an invisible weight off your shoulders, help you stop absorbing other people’s stress, and allow you to focus on what is actually yours: your integrity, your consistency, your creativity, and your heart.

What’s in this episode:

00:35] Why photographers carry more than they realize
[01:40] How we absorb client stress and taking it on as your own
[02:50] When business outcomes feel personal even when they are not
[04:20] Putting down what was never yours to hold
[05:00] What is yours to carry in your business
[06:00] How carrying the wrong things leads to burnout
[07:00] Asking the question that helps you release what is too heavy

You are not meant to carry everything. When you begin putting down what is not yours, you finally have room to hold what truly matters.

Did you feel the weight and stress release during this episode? Check out this episode from No Limits: How Reframing Your Mindset Can Recharge Your Photography Business with Heather Lahtinen that shares how another photographer started their career!

Transcript

[00:00:00]

Hello, my beautiful friend. Welcome back to the show. So let me start with a question that changed everything for me. Is this mine to carry? It sounds simple. Almost too simple, right? But stay with me because if you actually start asking yourself this question in your photography business and in your life, it will lift a weight off your shoulders you didn’t even realize you were hauling around.

Because here’s the thing about us photographers. We are professional carriers, and I don’t just mean carrying [00:01:00] lenses and light stands and props, and a newborn beanbag that makes you question your life choices every time you haul it up a staircase, I mean, carrying everything. We carry our client’s stress.

We carry their insecurities, we carry their family dynamics, their toddler meltdowns, their husbands who would rather be golfing. We carry the algorithm silence. The comparison game, the whispers that maybe we’re not good enough. We even carry the ridiculous little details. We have zero control over like the weather, or whether a toddler ate lunch or had a nap before the session, and without even realizing it, we start to believe it’s all ours to carry.

I’ve been there now. I remember one session in particular, I had a family with three kids under the age of six, and the mom was on edge before we even started. She kept apologizing. She kept snapping at her husband and she kept begging her kids to please just behave. And [00:02:00] I could just feel the stress in everybody climb higher and higher, and instead of just holding space for it, instead of saying, Hey, don’t worry, I’ve got this.

Let’s just breathe. I absorbed it. And suddenly her stress was my stress. Her frustration was my responsibility. And the entire session, instead of focusing on making art, I carried the weight of making sure she felt okay. And let me tell you, my friend, that is exhausting. by the time I got home, I wasn’t just tired, I was drained. I had taken her energy, her emotions, her whole family dynamic, and I carried that all home with myself. And you know what? It wasn’t mine to carry. And here’s another way this shows up. Business outcomes. Now, raise your hand now. Okay, I can’t see you, but humor me.

If you’ve ever gotten inquiry, sent over your pricing and then heard nothing back. And instead of thinking, cool, they just weren’t a right fit. Your brain went [00:03:00] suddenly to, I’m failing. No one values me. Maybe I should just quit. But here’s the truth, it’s not yours to carry. When someone doesn’t book you, their decision is about them, their budget, their preferences, their priorities.

You don’t know the full story, but what do we do? We carry it like a giant neon sign that says, you are not good enough. I’ve carried so many things outside of my control. It’s laughable. Like the weather. I used to take it seriously personally when it rained on a session day, like somehow it was my fault, I’d feel so guilty.

Rescheduling, I’d feel guilty. Disappointing the family. Guilty for something that I had zero power over, or how about this one? The toddler meltdowns. Tell me why I feel responsible for a three-year-old losing it during golden hour as if I was responsible single-handedly. Preventing that nap or giving them too much sugar at [00:04:00] grandma’s house.

It wasn’t me. It sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud, right? But we do it all the time. We carry things that aren’t ours because we think if we don’t, everything will fall apart. And I get it. We care so deeply about our clients. We want them to be happy. We want them to feel loved and seen and valued, and that’s what really makes us good at what we do.

Yeah, but when we carry everything that isn’t ours, two, we start to crush ourselves under that weight. So let’s pause and ask instead, is this mine to carry? Is this mine to carry that? That toddler didn’t nap? No. Is it mine to carry that? The dad would rather look at his phone and he hates photos. No. Is it mine to carry that

the algorithm tanked my last reel. No. Is it mine to carry that? A client chose someone else? No, and you know what is mine to carry my integrity, [00:05:00] my consistency, my creativity, the energy that I bring to a session and the way I care for people when they’re in front of my lens. That’s it. That’s mine.

Everything else not.

But here’s the truth. You’re not meant to carry it all. And when you start asking yourself is this mine to carry, you start putting things down. You put down that toddler’s tantrum, you put down that hatred of the algorithm, and you put down the client’s budget, you put down that fear that every ghosted inquiry is a reflection of your worth.

And when your arms are finally free, you can actually carry what matters. And let’s talk about what that looks like. When I carry my integrity, I don’t cut corners, I don’t cheat. I don’t do what feels out of alignment just to keep up. That’s mine. When I carry my consistency, I keep showing up even when it’s hard, even when the legs are low.

That’s mine. [00:06:00] When I carry my creativity, I push myself to see the world differently, to make art that feels alive and to experiment and to play. That’s mine. And when I carry my heart, I show up for my clients with care. I hold space for them. I give them images that are full of connection and that matter.

That’s mine, but everything else, not mine. So the next time you might be spiraling, the next time you’re carrying the weight of a client’s stress or the industry’s expectations, I want you to stop and literally ask yourself out loud, is this mine to carry? And if the answer is no, put it down. If the answer is yes, carry it with pride.

And let me also add this. Carrying what’s yours doesn’t mean it’s easy carrying integrity, consistency. Creativity and heart. That is still work, but it’s work that fills you instead [00:07:00] of emptying you. And here’s the thing, you cannot run a business while carrying everyone else’s baggage too. You can’t carry your client’s family drama, the industry’s pressure and your own perfectionism on top of that because it’s too heavy.

And if you keep trying, you will collapse. So my friend, I want you to ask yourself every day, every session, every time you open Instagram, and feel that twinge of comparison. Every time you send a pricing guide in here, nothing back. Every time a client shows up late and somehow you feel it’s your fault, every time you feel like you’re not enough, stop and breathe and ask, is this mine to carry?

And then put down what isn’t yours. Because my friend, you are already carrying enough. I am sending you so much of my light and love today and every single day. I’ll see you next time.

[00:08:00]